Autistic Girl's First Impressions l Weighted Blanket Unboxing!

 I'll post the link to find this really cheap blanket here: Pine And River it was around 30.00 total for me because I have prime. Though I think this would qualify for Amazon's free shipment without prime. Important to note that I am not affiliated with Pine And River, I don't make any money if you click the link. It's not attached to anything. I'm just trying to spread info about this affordable blanket. If you want to help a girl out please subscribe to my channel! It would be even better if you could watch the video with ads on! I'm using any money I make from my youtube to buy a nicer camera or phone for filming. Thank you for any and all support! :D

Weighted Blanket For Autism A Need Not Luxury

I know it's probably very radical of me to say that I think a weighted blanket for an autistic is a need not a luxury. However, I really wanted your attention! Not all Autistics like weighted blankets; some can't even use them because they don't or can't have deep pressure. However, a good majority do want and need a weighted blanket. Hence my blanket statement. (cue the pun drum! that was totally intentional)

This incident happened months ago (shows how long it takes me to process an event) but it's culminated in me suddenly deciding I needed to come up with a way to change the weighted blanket game for us all. I asked a company that I really liked if I could review their product. Something that was at the time in the 200-300.00 range. There's no way I could afford it outright then or now. So, imagine my delight when they said yes!

Then they countered with caveats that I knew I couldn't meet so I declined. It really depressed me because I had planned on trying the blanket for the review and giving it to my younger brother who has TBI and is a suspected autistic.

It took me a little to realize why I was so upset about the entire encounter. Afterall being rejected is a pretty typical thing to happen in the type of work I like to do. It's no big deal and it's a daily part of the experience. However, this time it was a little different but I didn't know why.

Until yesterday when I saw a friend put a weighted blanket on their wishlist and ask if it was ok to share the wishes. I think they stated it was something the couldn't otherwise afford. That's when it hit me on why the weighted blanket review that fell through hurt so much.

This item was not some luxurious accessory for my autism, it was a genuine need for my autism and something that could possibly help my little brother as well. However, the weighted blanket prices for something that was good quality and made out of nice materials was just so expensive! It is literally out of our reach. It might be possible for me to save up but it would come at great sacrifices to my other qualities of life and for someone like my brother who currently only makes around 100.00 a paycheck this was simply out of the question.

So, I ran a poll. It's not even been a week yet and suddenly I had votes pouring in. At first, it was from autistics that said they could afford one or maybe just did not want one. Some people pointed out it just wasn't for them or had other comments. However, by the end of the first day, I had 123 votes and 71% of the autistic people saying they needed one and could not afford one.

Some people said they were attempting to make their own with various degrees of sewing skill level. Other people said they were buying parts off things off eBay to piece together their own blankets. There was lots of talk about different weighting, materials and more.

After that talk my idea for weighted blanket radicalization took form. If only we could get mass production companies to start making blankets with pockets that opened and selling just that we could make the blank a bit more affordable. If the company was very enterprising they could make and sell so many different types of materials that would appeal to different autistics! Once the blanket was purchased we could all weight it with whatever items or products we liked.

I'll end my revaluation with a simple statement. If you are a big company please consider mass producing my idea. Just please make it affordable for us all to be able to get an item that could greatly benefit us. Thank you.

Organic Autism

I felt very inspired to make a new symbol for Autism based on the many conversations I had with my twitter friends the #actuallyautistisc. I learned unlike me the majority of Autistics don't like bright colors as its' a sensory overload. I think it deeply ironic then that many of the symbols used to describe us revolved around primary color rainbows. Then, of course, many of us do not like the use of the puzzle pieces as a popular symbol because of it's dark history. 'a puzzle to be solved' among many other segments that do not exactly apply to us anymore.

I do like our neurodiversity symbol. (one that I use often) as the rainbow infinity sign. However again I felt very inspired to make this sign with even deeper meaning and symbols.

Thus, the idea for a living plant as an infinity sign was born! I painted a simple watercolor version and here is my original piece!

Then I went to twitter and used the #askingautistics tag to see what my peers thought when they looked at it. I was met with many RT's and likes. Some people expressed positive views on the symbol. So, after being well received I uploaded my digital versions. (Which are free to use BTW! Credit is nice but not required) 

Now as I promised is my blog post explaining why I came up with this! First of all,  is the living plant. I found so far we are often portrayed as less than human. It's usually objects or just colors and because allistics already think we are non-emotional and 'another type' of human I thought it best we present ourselves as something alive. Something that does need the care to flourish so that needs are not diminished in our strengths. 

Secondly, I thought I wanted something that was normal but unique. Birch trees are striking and visually unique compared to other typical tree counterparts. It also had the added benefits of being not loud colors. Each tree is unique with similar qualities just like autistics. 

Birch trees often grow in unusual ways and if a strong wind is applied to them will bend but not break. So, the infinity birch tree symbol adds the layer of diversity and strength we need in representing autism.

Plants conjure up images of wisdom and the offshoots represent all sorts of things. Growth, learnings, moving forward, positivity!  

Can you think of more symbolism that could be applied to this idea? 

Why so blue? National Autism Association and Neon 'Autism SOS'

The 'Autism SOS' campaign launched on April 2nd, 2019 during world autism awareness day. In a matter of hours, groups of autistic people and allies were re-tweeting and remarking on the offensiveness of the entirely blue depressing posters.

I also had a similar gut reaction upon viewing the dreary poster. I responded with a tweet and a gif saying "Is this from the 80/90's? You know back when we thought acid rain and vaccines caused the tragedy of autism in boys only."

 I observed similar feelings on this poster as well. Imagine my shock when I went looking the campaign up and found out it had more versions of the poster.

I can see what they are doing here. They are taking advantage of parents fear of the unknown. Of course, it would be important to have your child diagnosed as quickly as possible. That way they can avoid a lifetime of feeling like they did something wrong. However, this poster cites fear and negative response.

Depicting a little baby trapped in a bottle and surrounded by the blue 'wave of autism' alongside the words "Autism SOS" and calling for the need to have an early screening makes it seem like a call back to the days when people thought autism was curable.

While I agree that early diagnosis can be beneficial for a child the fear-mongering of this acronym and poster are very much unwanted.  A quote from the company says;  “Our goal with Autism SOS is to help parents identify early warning signs so they can screen and start intervention as early as possible.”

Ok, so while the language of that statement irritates me a bit, I see nothing wrong with spreading information of what autism can look like int he early ages. However, I still can't get over the overall negativity this campaign feels like. It's sad and depressing. The video they made has a slow childish music box jingle in the background. It's as if these companies don't care that one day the child will grow up and see this sort of alarming propaganda. How would you feel if you saw this knowing that you were born a certain way and everyone else thinks it's such an SOS! 

What do you think of this campaign? Do you think it's negative or wrong? What was your gut reaction upon seeing these posters? 

Five Autistic Stim Toy Favorites!

So, I  have been trying to create more content in a casual personal way about Autism. This is a concept I wanted to film for a while now. Some people do month item favorites. I thought a version of that about my favorite stim items could help benefit someone else.

Most of these things are unassuming and normal even but I like to explore or use them in a repetitive way that is pleasing. These are all positive stims meaning I garner joy from them.

#puppetgate

(Note: This blog post is disjointed because it's not finished. Nor do I intend to finish it. Please respect that my work is only half done and so some of the facts and items listed could be wrong. Feel free to correct if you would like! TBH I'm tired of this subject hence why I never finished the blog post. I thought it would be wasteful if I didn't share though)


#puppetgate is a tongue in cheek hashtag that was created in the online backlash against a play. The criticism started when a few vague statements about the premise of the play was released online by the play themselves on their own twitter page.

"All In A Row", is a play that was written by Alex Oates and directed by Dominic Shaw. The cast includes Charlie Brooks, Michael Fox, Simon Lipkin, and Hugh Purves. It will be performed Feb 14th-9 March 2019 in the UK. They do have a website that you may look at but be warned that even the synopsis of the play can be upsetting to those of us on the spectrum.  Website Link

Adding a photo so you can see what I am talking about. I do not own this photo but using under fair use. 

All the characters of the play are human except for the 'severely' autistic child depicted as a grey puppet named Laurence who is non-verbal and has shocking behavior. The play replied to some twitter messages stating that the color design and choice for the puppet were intentional and necessary for the aesthetics of the show. (Small note many Autistics prefer to avoid functioning labels as most perceive them as harmful. It is considered the better practice to outline the amount of support someone needs rather than slap a generalized label upon a human.)

When questioned about the outline of the plot and choice to represent autism in this manner they had many statements. Too many to list here so I highly encourage you to look at some of their responses to people via their twitter. All In A Row Twitter Link You will have to dig, however.

Basically, concerned peopled wondered if they play was going to perpetuate stereotypes and why a grey puppet exactly.





Some people wondered if they actually consulted with any autistics to make sure the accuracy of the play is correct and fair. All in a row did respond to some of those concerns as well stating that Alex (the playwriter) had a "10+ years a carer..." and that he did consult with " a number of autistic friends and family, as well as the parents of autistic children who he had previously worked with a carer. He wanted to understand the perspective from both sides" They said that they "estimate between 40
and 50 autistic people as well as their parents, have been consulted.






Interestingly, the National Autistic Society of the UK criticized the play. They were given the script to review and they suggested two changes. Then they made a choice to not support the play publicly based on the play's deciding to use a puppet to portray autism.

I have not seen the play nor have I read a full script. According to "All In A Row" the main story is about the parents of Lawrence and their hardships with a broken system. There are many different opinions of this particular concept and what stories should be told and how it should be done especially in the theater.

However, the main root of this controversy is simply to choose to represent a human being as a prop.  Even if the play does come through with its promises for a great revealing narrative the choice to use a grey puppet to present autism it puts a harmful face to the world that is already difficult for both carers and autistics by perpetuating old stereotypes.

The play did respond to this and made statements saying that some of the scenes would not be able to be played by a child or even an actor with autism because it depicts real and shocking moments. Gathering some evidence on what that could mean a few autistics took screen grabs from the play trailer and enlarged bits of the script that could be seen. Others found cached websites and it's possible to see the puppet in a possible restraint situation via photos of their previous puppet design.

Many people could understand this and suggested that the entire cast is played by puppets or perhaps another actor of age with autism qualities play the child. Another suggestion was simply to have the puppeteer play but as his human self.

Instead, the play who did say at one point that they were open to conversation chose to disable comments on their youtube and slowly stopped responding to criticism and has started flooding their twitter with only positive press releases, including some endorsements by controversial figures in the autism world.

Some Autistics have offered to go see the play and review. The play was protested online and in person. In general, it seems both critics of the play and people that are open to it acknowledge a disconnect between the autistic voices and the play.

After the play had come out several #actuallyautistics pointed out via tweet that the play had a Q&A where the started off saying that the online conversation had gotten out of had and that online was not the best place for nuanced discussion. This is insulting to some Autistics considering many of us only use online voices.

When the play finally premiered and reviews started coming in the reviews have not cleared up the controversy but only further split the opinions on the play. Even among autistics, the opinions are varied.

I have my own varied opinion. I want to be open and like people. I want to understand and I'd never want to ignore someone's story. I support caregivers especially those that struggle because the system, government, and society will not help. However, I think it's important to not put blame on the people that they are caring for because it dehumanizes both parties involved.

Currently, I am of the opinion that the portrayal of a grey puppet with high support needs is inappropriate. That being said I'm open to changing my mind! I'd like to understand and would prefer to embrace people. I hope that as the story unfolds it becomes clear and why they've chosen some of these things. Some people think that maybe it was good but slightly misguided.

All In A Row Is Ablist Website is a great resource for all the controversy.

Autistic Giving Herself A Home Haircut!

Let's sneak around in the middle of the night (again) and do stuff! I'm wide awake. So, if you didn't know... I'm autistic and that makes for some interesting situations sometimes. Like this moment. I was having some serious anxiety about seeing the hairdressers because I didn't want to talk to them. So, chopped at my own hair.

Hopefully, it didn't come out so badly but I'm not sure I could make the hair cut any worse at this point. Everyone wants me to grow my hair out again and I sorta want to as well but right now I've been training for the mud run and the other 5k I wanted to do later this year. It means I get gross and sweaty every single day and having super long hair just isn't practical! Hashimoto's can make my hair very brittle and breakable and if you get your hair wet in this state it means you'll lose a lot of hair :( so to avoid that I've got this short bob. 

Oh :( I broke my glasses btw that's why I'm wearing these old frames. Yes, for the people who didn't know I can talk. I am verbal but I have selective mutism which means sometimes I shut down and can't talk to people. Unfortunately, at this time my selective muteness as really focused on my Youtube videos. I have a hard time talking on here as it gives me so much anxiety. I am working on it. Maybe one day I'll have full talkie videos but for now, I just create these. You might be able to hear me sing or whisper on snapchat or tiktok if you are interested! 

If you want to know more about my autism

 Answering common Q&A

Autcraft Server Minecraft Tour Of All My Builds!

Ok, so I sorta realized that I often disappear into my Minecraft world (On the Autcraft server.) and I rarely every show all my builds. So, I thought I'd do a tour video of all the stuff I make. Not very much imagination as I prefer to follow building tutorials or mimic was I see in real life (minus my ocean aquarium lol) but yeah, if you like this video please let me know so can update you in the future with more of the stuff I make!

Autcraft is a Minecraft server that is only for people and friends of people who are on the spectrum! Like myself! ^_^ It's mostly for kids but it's a unique place and that's why I game there. 

If you were unaware that I was Autistic please check out my coming out video: https://youtu.be/q0nOlJK6qFo

If you want to know more about Autcraft please check out this video: https://youtu.be/_m-l_1XqXlI

The music is thanks to Grandpa Norman who made it for Aiden but that's all I know about him. So, thanks to Grandpa Norman. (NOT my grandpa) 

Autistic For Attention?

It took me over two years to have myself diagnosed with Autism. I went to the top professionals in my area that specialize in just Autism. I went through tests and interviews. One test was a six-hour long psych test. I was so upset and stressed by it that I punched a dent into the side of our truck and plucked one of my keychain pom-poms bald.

The day I was finally diagnosed with Autism; I cried for joy. Mostly because it finally validated all the hardships I went through. I thought I would tell everyone I knew because to me being diagnosed was a wonderful thing! I had finally had an explanation for everything.

Then I started running into people who decided for themselves that I did not have "real" autism. They would compare to people that they knew that had "real autism" and would explain to me that even though I went through two years of diagnosis with a proper professional that I do not have real autism.

In those moments they would be stripping me down to my core and telling me that whatever I was struggling with was not real. That all those times I acted differently meant that I was just doing it for attention. In fact, one person told me to my face that I was saying that I was Autistic just for attention.

Most of the time I never reply to the people that say those things. I don't know what to say really. I just know that whenever someone says that I'm faking something like autism for attention; they obviously don't know me at all. That's fine if it's a stranger but it can be very hurtful realizing that some of your close friends and family don't know you. That they would go out of there way to hurt me just because they don't understand what autism is.

In the end, I've concluded that some of these people are ignorant but some are choosing to stay ignorant. It does not make it hurt any less but at least I can acknowledge that the issue lies with them and not me and try and move on.



(Sorry, no editor on this post guys. It's just straight from my heart)