Hi! So, I wanted a place to not annoy people with every workout post I make. Instead, I think I keep a small diary page on my blog about it. That way I can look back and see improvements or losses without posting every single day about my run.
Monday, March 4th, 2019 -
Should have been my first workout day back after the 'not-a-hernia' excursion. I had an entire month of rest because the doctor told me to chill. It was a letdown and I've been feeling uncomfortable and sad with no place to put all my hyper energy. Which oddly, I have a lot of. Anyway, the only workout I got this day was minimal walking around and eating way too many carbs. We drove many hours to get a new car.
Tuesday, March 5th, 2019 -
This is my first workout day and I felt like an eagle soaring on the dreadmill. It's too icy to try and run outside. I modified the workout. It should have been a cardio and strength day but I knew that would be too hard. Instead, I slowly ran 30 mins and made it about roughly 2 miles. Of course, the treadmill is old and it does track and my fitness band is also old and very inaccurate. Who knows how far I actually ran. Either way, I felt good.
Wednesday, March 6th, 2019 -
Today I eased back into the workout plan again but doing a gentle core and flexibility plan. It was only 20 mins. I felt bad about it but I did a lot of house cleaning.
Thursday, March 7th, 2019 -
Omg. I am so mad. This day is the cardio and strength day. I'm supposed to do a warmup, then alternate between running and strength moves. The warmup exhausted me and then I forgot to run between the strength moves. It was 30 mins but I was so exhausted I could barely do the workouts. I was only able to do 2 Army crawls and barely staggered stance. I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that its' also shark week. Which makes me tired/bloated but in fairness, I'm just mad at the backslide of skill loss. Considering signing up for several races at the end of this month.
Friday, March 8th, 2019 -
I'm so uncomfortable. PCOS can make you have a very heavy lady time. My legs are so sore I can't even stand up without pain. Ibuprofen and jumped on the treadmill. Pushed myself to do the full 41 mins but I took a 2 min break after every ten mins. Only did 3 miles according to the old fitness band. So, I'm irritated. I want to be better. I want to be strong. Tomorrow is just strength. I don't want to do more squats. I need to be very careful not to consume more carbs. I don't need em and they made me sick last time. Today is a fish day anyway. I want to go to the movies. I wonder if we can.
Saturday, March 9th, 2019 -
Today was busy. I didn't get a traditional workout in but I did walk around and work a lot.
Sunday, March 10th, 2019-
This day is a much-needed rest day. I did nothing.
Showing posts with label diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diary. Show all posts
2/13/19
Loving my body right now means buying the worlds smallest booty shorts.
To understand why purchasing tiny purple booty shorts has reduced me to tears you will need some of my backstories. This is one of those times that I wish I could sit down and make a Youtube video with my voice because it's something that I want to share. I'll work on that but for now, I'll just write this blog post.
As a child growing up with undiagnosed autism it really took a toll on how I viewed my psychical appearance. I was vaguely aware that I was pretty and I was vaguely aware that this was some sort of currency in the world. I didn't know what to do with it and became very withdrawn. It became worse after I was taken advantage of by adult men. So, I placed the blame on my beauty and covered up everything that I thought was attracting me trouble.
My then-stepdad (he's outta the picture now) remarked once that I dressed like a "crazy bag lady" at the pool. Which was true because at the time I only felt safe in three shirts over my bathing suit and a floor length skirt. Yes, I actually swam that way and I was only around 10 or 11 years old at the time.
Eventually, I accepted all the layers of clothing as my uniform and it worked with my autism because I liked the sensation of fabrics. I grew up literally being a "never nude" I slept in my jeans and boots. I wore all my layers into the bathroom and locked the door and only undressed once I was inside the shower. These behaviors followed me well into adulthood.
Scratch that. They are still here. I still deal with this. I was 28 years old sitting in the emergency room after a car crash. They asked me to put on a gown and I refused. The nurses were flabbergasted and tried to insist that I must wear the hospital gown and I refused. My sister in law was there and the doors were glass and see through everyone could see me. I started to cry because I knew I'd rather run away from getting medical treatment than let anyone see my body at that moment. At that moment I felt like a child again helpless and being forced into something I didn't want to share.
These feelings run deep and I doubt it's something that's ever going to cure but I've been slowly working on accepting this part of me. I don't want to pass my paranoia and body issues down to my children or imprint it upon my younger family members. I want them to see a confident strong woman and follow the lead.
When I started doing training for the warrior dash I watched a tip video that suggested that the people who wore the least amount of clothes to the run were actually the ones who were more comfortable in the end. Mud clings to shirts and weighs heavy fabrics down. The lady suggested some tight short shorts and a sports bra.
That actually scared me more than the idea of jumping over a fire or crawling in long dark tunnels of mud.
A simple pair of short shorts and a bra. I'd have nowhere to hide. Everyone would see everything and yet when I looked at promo photos I could see that many women wore this exact outfit. It had more coverage than the average bikini even.
So, I was on the fence about buying the clothes for it. I couldn't find a place that had what I wanted in my size. GRRRL.com did though and when I showed my hubby the shorts I wanted to wear he blanched.
I was shocked because I suddenly realized his silence meant hid didn't think I should wear the shorts. When I asked him why he said: " I think you are beautiful but the world is very cruel."
It was those words that sealed the fate of the purple short order. I realized my husband had body issues as well and his comment steamed from fear of other people attacking me and being hurtful because of my outfit choice. An outfit choice that many women will be wearing during that race.
I knew right then that I needed to show him that he was wrong. People are good and they will support me. If someone drops the ball and they are cruel then I need to show my husband that it does not matter. It's nobody's business but our own when it comes to clothing choice. I knew I had to order the shorts now because in the future if we have children I don't want then getting body confident issues from me. I want them to look back on the photos from that race day and say "Mom's a badass!" or my "Aunts a badass" or even if it's someone else's kids... "that fat lady wearing those tiny shorts is a badass!" :D I hope that it inspires them to look less about what their body can't do and more on what their body can do!
The fact that my body is healthy and strong enough for me to even consider running a race like that is a blessing.
(So, it turns out the shorts are not as supportive as I wanted so I probably won't wear them for the race but I have been wearing them more and more for exercise and relaxing. It's been helping the body confidence I think.)
As a child growing up with undiagnosed autism it really took a toll on how I viewed my psychical appearance. I was vaguely aware that I was pretty and I was vaguely aware that this was some sort of currency in the world. I didn't know what to do with it and became very withdrawn. It became worse after I was taken advantage of by adult men. So, I placed the blame on my beauty and covered up everything that I thought was attracting me trouble.
My then-stepdad (he's outta the picture now) remarked once that I dressed like a "crazy bag lady" at the pool. Which was true because at the time I only felt safe in three shirts over my bathing suit and a floor length skirt. Yes, I actually swam that way and I was only around 10 or 11 years old at the time.
Eventually, I accepted all the layers of clothing as my uniform and it worked with my autism because I liked the sensation of fabrics. I grew up literally being a "never nude" I slept in my jeans and boots. I wore all my layers into the bathroom and locked the door and only undressed once I was inside the shower. These behaviors followed me well into adulthood.
Scratch that. They are still here. I still deal with this. I was 28 years old sitting in the emergency room after a car crash. They asked me to put on a gown and I refused. The nurses were flabbergasted and tried to insist that I must wear the hospital gown and I refused. My sister in law was there and the doors were glass and see through everyone could see me. I started to cry because I knew I'd rather run away from getting medical treatment than let anyone see my body at that moment. At that moment I felt like a child again helpless and being forced into something I didn't want to share.
These feelings run deep and I doubt it's something that's ever going to cure but I've been slowly working on accepting this part of me. I don't want to pass my paranoia and body issues down to my children or imprint it upon my younger family members. I want them to see a confident strong woman and follow the lead.
When I started doing training for the warrior dash I watched a tip video that suggested that the people who wore the least amount of clothes to the run were actually the ones who were more comfortable in the end. Mud clings to shirts and weighs heavy fabrics down. The lady suggested some tight short shorts and a sports bra.
That actually scared me more than the idea of jumping over a fire or crawling in long dark tunnels of mud.
A simple pair of short shorts and a bra. I'd have nowhere to hide. Everyone would see everything and yet when I looked at promo photos I could see that many women wore this exact outfit. It had more coverage than the average bikini even.
So, I was on the fence about buying the clothes for it. I couldn't find a place that had what I wanted in my size. GRRRL.com did though and when I showed my hubby the shorts I wanted to wear he blanched.
I was shocked because I suddenly realized his silence meant hid didn't think I should wear the shorts. When I asked him why he said: " I think you are beautiful but the world is very cruel."
It was those words that sealed the fate of the purple short order. I realized my husband had body issues as well and his comment steamed from fear of other people attacking me and being hurtful because of my outfit choice. An outfit choice that many women will be wearing during that race.
I knew right then that I needed to show him that he was wrong. People are good and they will support me. If someone drops the ball and they are cruel then I need to show my husband that it does not matter. It's nobody's business but our own when it comes to clothing choice. I knew I had to order the shorts now because in the future if we have children I don't want then getting body confident issues from me. I want them to look back on the photos from that race day and say "Mom's a badass!" or my "Aunts a badass" or even if it's someone else's kids... "that fat lady wearing those tiny shorts is a badass!" :D I hope that it inspires them to look less about what their body can't do and more on what their body can do!The fact that my body is healthy and strong enough for me to even consider running a race like that is a blessing.
(So, it turns out the shorts are not as supportive as I wanted so I probably won't wear them for the race but I have been wearing them more and more for exercise and relaxing. It's been helping the body confidence I think.)
10/5/18
(Diary) W1D1 Bridge To 10k FAIL :(
So, I've had a few days off from my last race a 5k. I've completed c25k twice now but I'm slow. So, I thought I'd do this program. Before the 5k I injured my foot/ankle area. It was one of those injuries where I could not uncurl my toes my foot when a little numb and it hurt to walk on. It cleared up mostly for the race and I got through without much issue.(The race was hilly though not something I trained for very well) I've rested from that and just tried to do a slow easy run on the treadmill. 8 mins in though that foot/ankle started to hurt so I quit before much more pain. It's weird though... the pain is above the ankle and up the side of the shin. It does not feel like the shin splints I had when I started running a year ago.
I can't go to the sports clinic until next week. So, I'm depressed about not being able to run. I'm worried this is a serious injury. I need to find another exercise fast because I don't want to backslide on all my training :(
I have another 5k on the 20th. Thankfully, that one is very casual and not competitive but I'm still mad about it.
Adding into this terrible no good day; Gunter (my border collie) snatched my phone and threw it into his water bowl. I'm too darn poor to replace it so fingers crossed it's OK. My medication to treat my Atypical endometrial hyperplasia stopped yesterday and I've been feeling terrible with cramps today. My mood swings are all over the place and I'm crying at everything for no reason. Such as the SIMS 4 sale ... I've been desperate to get more expansion packs. However every single time they have a sale it is ALWAYS between paydays. I can never get them. :(
Update: I'm crying right now. Because my beautiful husband just called and told me to buy the SIMS pack that I wanted. He just used his haircut money to give me a gift.
I can't go to the sports clinic until next week. So, I'm depressed about not being able to run. I'm worried this is a serious injury. I need to find another exercise fast because I don't want to backslide on all my training :(
I have another 5k on the 20th. Thankfully, that one is very casual and not competitive but I'm still mad about it.
Adding into this terrible no good day; Gunter (my border collie) snatched my phone and threw it into his water bowl. I'm too darn poor to replace it so fingers crossed it's OK. My medication to treat my Atypical endometrial hyperplasia stopped yesterday and I've been feeling terrible with cramps today. My mood swings are all over the place and I'm crying at everything for no reason. Such as the SIMS 4 sale ... I've been desperate to get more expansion packs. However every single time they have a sale it is ALWAYS between paydays. I can never get them. :(
Update: I'm crying right now. Because my beautiful husband just called and told me to buy the SIMS pack that I wanted. He just used his haircut money to give me a gift.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
Content warning this case involves the death of a child, with a graphic description. There are graphic photos in the sources. There is a fle... -
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to take action during a time of crisis. Migrants and marginalized communities are being targe...
-
Content Warning : Sensitive content involving the tragic death of a minor. Viewer discretion advised. Disclaimer: Information is source...