A meme I made after the conversation my mom and I just had. Mom was trying to be encouraging but it sort of fizzled out. I'm out of shape and have a few health conditions. So, I was a bit perturbed that the man missing a leg and smoking at the race start line beat me! Oh well, I guess somebody has to be around to make people look good! Props to him for showing that you don't have to be typical to be a winner.

They made this for me?! Reddit Space Exchange 2019

Hold onto the stars! I'm so surprised This is the first gift I've gotten that was made for me. It's so amazing. The other two items were gifts that I really wanted and they are so beautiful! Thank you to my wonderful Santa! 

You can tell I'm super excited about my gifts. I forgot to put my outro screen onto the video AND I forgot to film the segment where I show you what I purchased for my giftee. That's probably just as well because I'm having trouble deciding what to get them. Though I'm thinking along the lines of some real space memorabilia or a launchable rocket. 

This is the link to my Reddit exchange profile where you could give me a thumbs up if you want ;) but you could also learn how to join your own gift exchanges from that website as well. 

Also here is the link to 3rd Degree Laser if you are interested in your own custom light lamps or other laser etched projects. 

If you are interested in the other items please give them an Amazon search! I'd link but I have no idea which ones are the ones I received in my video. Not affiliated or sponsored by anyone. 

My body is DEMONETIZED!

This is not the first time I've been demonetized but I'm so tired of it. This time it's obviously because this was a clothing haul. Hot on the heels of another scandal Youtube cracks down again on the people it should not. The creators.

The video in question is my GRRRL sports bra and shorts haul. I try them on and in the video, there are no minors or suggestive content. This content is made by me for people like me.

I'm a small channel and everything I create is hard work. I feel like I deserve to be paid for the work I do but Youtube disagrees. I am demonetized and if I want a manual review my priority is put on the backburner becuase of my channel size.

What do you think? Is this fair or nah?

#puppetgate

(Note: This blog post is disjointed because it's not finished. Nor do I intend to finish it. Please respect that my work is only half done and so some of the facts and items listed could be wrong. Feel free to correct if you would like! TBH I'm tired of this subject hence why I never finished the blog post. I thought it would be wasteful if I didn't share though)


#puppetgate is a tongue in cheek hashtag that was created in the online backlash against a play. The criticism started when a few vague statements about the premise of the play was released online by the play themselves on their own twitter page.

"All In A Row", is a play that was written by Alex Oates and directed by Dominic Shaw. The cast includes Charlie Brooks, Michael Fox, Simon Lipkin, and Hugh Purves. It will be performed Feb 14th-9 March 2019 in the UK. They do have a website that you may look at but be warned that even the synopsis of the play can be upsetting to those of us on the spectrum.  Website Link

Adding a photo so you can see what I am talking about. I do not own this photo but using under fair use. 

All the characters of the play are human except for the 'severely' autistic child depicted as a grey puppet named Laurence who is non-verbal and has shocking behavior. The play replied to some twitter messages stating that the color design and choice for the puppet were intentional and necessary for the aesthetics of the show. (Small note many Autistics prefer to avoid functioning labels as most perceive them as harmful. It is considered the better practice to outline the amount of support someone needs rather than slap a generalized label upon a human.)

When questioned about the outline of the plot and choice to represent autism in this manner they had many statements. Too many to list here so I highly encourage you to look at some of their responses to people via their twitter. All In A Row Twitter Link You will have to dig, however.

Basically, concerned peopled wondered if they play was going to perpetuate stereotypes and why a grey puppet exactly.





Some people wondered if they actually consulted with any autistics to make sure the accuracy of the play is correct and fair. All in a row did respond to some of those concerns as well stating that Alex (the playwriter) had a "10+ years a carer..." and that he did consult with " a number of autistic friends and family, as well as the parents of autistic children who he had previously worked with a carer. He wanted to understand the perspective from both sides" They said that they "estimate between 40
and 50 autistic people as well as their parents, have been consulted.






Interestingly, the National Autistic Society of the UK criticized the play. They were given the script to review and they suggested two changes. Then they made a choice to not support the play publicly based on the play's deciding to use a puppet to portray autism.

I have not seen the play nor have I read a full script. According to "All In A Row" the main story is about the parents of Lawrence and their hardships with a broken system. There are many different opinions of this particular concept and what stories should be told and how it should be done especially in the theater.

However, the main root of this controversy is simply to choose to represent a human being as a prop.  Even if the play does come through with its promises for a great revealing narrative the choice to use a grey puppet to present autism it puts a harmful face to the world that is already difficult for both carers and autistics by perpetuating old stereotypes.

The play did respond to this and made statements saying that some of the scenes would not be able to be played by a child or even an actor with autism because it depicts real and shocking moments. Gathering some evidence on what that could mean a few autistics took screen grabs from the play trailer and enlarged bits of the script that could be seen. Others found cached websites and it's possible to see the puppet in a possible restraint situation via photos of their previous puppet design.

Many people could understand this and suggested that the entire cast is played by puppets or perhaps another actor of age with autism qualities play the child. Another suggestion was simply to have the puppeteer play but as his human self.

Instead, the play who did say at one point that they were open to conversation chose to disable comments on their youtube and slowly stopped responding to criticism and has started flooding their twitter with only positive press releases, including some endorsements by controversial figures in the autism world.

Some Autistics have offered to go see the play and review. The play was protested online and in person. In general, it seems both critics of the play and people that are open to it acknowledge a disconnect between the autistic voices and the play.

After the play had come out several #actuallyautistics pointed out via tweet that the play had a Q&A where the started off saying that the online conversation had gotten out of had and that online was not the best place for nuanced discussion. This is insulting to some Autistics considering many of us only use online voices.

When the play finally premiered and reviews started coming in the reviews have not cleared up the controversy but only further split the opinions on the play. Even among autistics, the opinions are varied.

I have my own varied opinion. I want to be open and like people. I want to understand and I'd never want to ignore someone's story. I support caregivers especially those that struggle because the system, government, and society will not help. However, I think it's important to not put blame on the people that they are caring for because it dehumanizes both parties involved.

Currently, I am of the opinion that the portrayal of a grey puppet with high support needs is inappropriate. That being said I'm open to changing my mind! I'd like to understand and would prefer to embrace people. I hope that as the story unfolds it becomes clear and why they've chosen some of these things. Some people think that maybe it was good but slightly misguided.

All In A Row Is Ablist Website is a great resource for all the controversy.

Makeup Revolution Haul + Mystery Gift Unboxing! (No music or talking)

I spent 40.00 including shipping on the items I show and then they also sent the black bag with free makeup in it!  It came from the UK very quickly and I enjoyed a lot of products. Here are some quick notes on the items I purchased. The free makeup I've not left notes on but if you ask me I'll tell you what I think :) ( I know this video is late sorry for that but if you want to keep up to date with what's happening in my life I suggest follow my twitter and FB!)

Revolution Conceal & Define Foundation F0.1 - Goes on thick and heavy. Great coverage but NO blending. My ultra dry skin makes this look cakey. Keeping to use under eyes. 

Revolution Pro Duo Eyebrow Powder Ash Brown - One of my favorite eyebrow shadows. The shade is exactly correct. Finding a dark brown the matches my nearly black hair is wonderful! lol for people about ready to hit the comments... I'm wearing a wig for this video that's a lighter brown. 

Revolution Eye Glisten Its Fate - I want more of these. So beautiful and easy to use. I like simple but glam makeup so perfect win. Wears well with minimal creasing. 

I Heart Revolution Ocean’s Treasure Eyeshadow Palette - I think this is just the prettiest package ever. I've heard some people don't like it because it looks childish but you all know I'm just a big kid. It looks great in my ocean themed bedroom or bathroom. My only complaint is that the shadow formula is not so great. Very sheer and hard to blend or pick up onto a brush. 

I Heart Revolution Mystical Mermaids Lipstick - Aquadisiac - I thought this was a green lipstick but I should have read the description because it changes to a PH pink. I still like it but it's not what I wanted. 

When I take a picture of me vs when someone else takes a picture of me

Loving my body right now means buying the worlds smallest booty shorts.

To understand why purchasing tiny purple booty shorts has reduced me to tears you will need some of my backstories. This is one of those times that I wish I could sit down and make a Youtube video with my voice because it's something that I want to share. I'll work on that but for now, I'll just write this blog post.
As a child growing up with undiagnosed autism it really took a toll on how I viewed my psychical appearance. I was vaguely aware that I was pretty and I was vaguely aware that this was some sort of currency in the world. I didn't know what to do with it and became very withdrawn. It became worse after I was taken advantage of by adult men. So, I placed the blame on my beauty and covered up everything that I thought was attracting me trouble.

My then-stepdad (he's outta the picture now) remarked once that I dressed like a "crazy bag lady" at the pool. Which was true because at the time I only felt safe in three shirts over my bathing suit and a floor length skirt. Yes, I actually swam that way and I was only around 10 or 11 years old at the time.

Eventually, I accepted all the layers of clothing as my uniform and it worked with my autism because I liked the sensation of fabrics. I grew up literally being a "never nude" I slept in my jeans and boots. I wore all my layers into the bathroom and locked the door and only undressed once I was inside the shower. These behaviors followed me well into adulthood.

Scratch that. They are still here. I still deal with this. I was 28 years old sitting in the emergency room after a car crash. They asked me to put on a gown and I refused. The nurses were flabbergasted and tried to insist that I must wear the hospital gown and I refused. My sister in law was there and the doors were glass and see through everyone could see me. I started to cry because I knew I'd rather run away from getting medical treatment than let anyone see my body at that moment. At that moment I felt like a child again helpless and being forced into something I didn't want to share.

These feelings run deep and I doubt it's something that's ever going to cure but I've been slowly working on accepting this part of me. I don't want to pass my paranoia and body issues down to my children or imprint it upon my younger family members. I want them to see a confident strong woman and follow the lead.

When I started doing training for the warrior dash I watched a tip video that suggested that the people who wore the least amount of clothes to the run were actually the ones who were more comfortable in the end. Mud clings to shirts and weighs heavy fabrics down. The lady suggested some tight short shorts and a sports bra.

That actually scared me more than the idea of jumping over a fire or crawling in long dark tunnels of mud.

A simple pair of short shorts and a bra. I'd have nowhere to hide. Everyone would see everything and yet when I looked at promo photos I could see that many women wore this exact outfit. It had more coverage than the average bikini even.

So, I was on the fence about buying the clothes for it. I couldn't find a place that had what I wanted in my size. GRRRL.com did though and when I showed my hubby the shorts I wanted to wear he blanched.

I was shocked because I suddenly realized his silence meant hid didn't think I should wear the shorts. When I asked him why he said: " I think you are beautiful but the world is very cruel."

It was those words that sealed the fate of the purple short order. I realized my husband had body issues as well and his comment steamed from fear of other people attacking me and being hurtful because of my outfit choice. An outfit choice that many women will be wearing during that race.

I knew right then that I needed to show him that he was wrong. People are good and they will support me. If someone drops the ball and they are cruel then I need to show my husband that it does not matter. It's nobody's business but our own when it comes to clothing choice. I knew I had to order the shorts now because in the future if we have children I don't want then getting body confident issues from me. I want them to look back on the photos from that race day and say "Mom's a badass!" or my "Aunts a badass" or even if it's someone else's kids... "that fat lady wearing those tiny shorts is a badass!" :D I hope that it inspires them to look less about what their body can't do and more on what their body can do!

The fact that my body is healthy and strong enough for me to even consider running a race like that is a blessing.

(So, it turns out the shorts are not as supportive as I wanted so I probably won't wear them for the race but I have been wearing them more and more for exercise and relaxing. It's been helping the body confidence I think.)

He's Driving In Bad Weather!

It's Zud's dashcam footage but I've edited it in my style of course. Music is soft and there to fill in the quiet gaps because the hubby loves to blast copywritten music. What kind of music do you think he listens to? If you come anywhere close I'll be sure to share one of your videos on my twitter lol!

Ok, but seriously this footage is great. I really enjoyed the sped up versions myself and I've been thinking about making a longer video with just driving footage for no reason. 

This video was almost special because I nearly left in a candid conversation I was having with Zud. So, it was almost the first time you'd hear me talking in years. I panicked and deleted it. :( Soon, guys, I'll make talkies but I guess for now it's quiet stuff. 

What did you think of the weather in the video? Do you like this dashcam stuff? If so let me know and if he captures more interesting dashcam footage I might make it a series!